I may have just unlocked the secret to living a happy and fulfilling life! This is not a drill, it's the real thing and I want to share it with you. Disclaimer, I'm having some therapy at the moment and there has been loads of new awareness showing itself. It's mostly very exciting so here goes. I spend all my time trying to get things done on my To Do list. It's admin stuff and lots of bigger projects like writing my children's book and consolidating my 23,457 online photos into one place. Currently they are in multiple clouds for which I'm paying around £2k a month in storage charges. OK, maybe a slight exaggeration but it needs to be done before I'm forced to take out a second mortgage.   

I've always struggled to get my to dos done and some have been on my list for ten years! It's insanity really but there you go. I've come to understand that as people we are generally split into three groups. Those that get meaning from either achieving, closeness (human connection) or enjoyment. It transpires that I've never been about achieving. For me, it's enjoyment and closeness that rock my boat. Each day when I plan what I'm doing it's the same: "What can I do on my to do list?" I write down a load of things then procrastinate all day instead. FB / TikTok / Netflix scrolling, and completely pointless jobs like organising the kitchen cupboards multiple times. This includes ranking the 37 spice jars from first to last. Italian Herbs to Paprika currently if you're interested.     

Generally my day doesn't include things I love. I've got an accountability buddy to help me commit to stuff (Mr Banana Head Jnr.) which has helped but it's still pretty much like wading through treacle. Two days ago at precisely 7.37 am during my meditation, it hit me. Ouch. When planning my day, things that bring me joy should always come first. For me these include Mr Banana Head parties, writing, (blogs, songs, poems) being in the sea, cycling, cinema, swimming and dancing like a drunk bison to 80's / 90's music. It sounds simple but it's changed my whole mindset. Now I'm excited about the day as I know I'm doing things I love. Yesterday I saw The Creator with Jade at the Cineworld Secret Screening and this morning I swam. I'm sure it's no coincidence that on both days I've got loads done of the "stuff" I don't enjoy. It's all adult stuff really which isn't easy as I'm only a 5 year old at heart.

Previously, in order of importance my days have been set out as: 1. To Do list, 2. House stuff, 3. Tasks I suddenly see as vital and imperative. This includes organising my CD, DVD, and cassette (!) collection alphabetically, even though I haven't used them for years and probably never will again. 4. Ways to help others, 5. Things that bring me happiness. Now the order is: 1. Happiness stuff, 2. Ways to help others, 3. House, 4. To dos. No room for pointless and random tasks. I am about enjoyment not achievement. Maybe that's one reason why, after years of wanting to do it, I still haven't published my first children's book. Additional reasons are currently being explored in therapy! I don't have that driving ambition that others often have and that's fine. I'm not them, I'm me! I'm looking forward to day after day of finding joy, even if it's in tiny spaces and I need to search for it. 

So there you go. If you've read this post and are thinking, "Well obviously that's how to live your life, I've been doing it since I was 3", don't be smug. Just give yourself a nod of acknowledgement and a firm pat on the back. If like me, you've been struggling each day and this sets you free and launches you onto a path of spiritual and emotional enlightenment then you're very welcome. With any luck, you'll never waste time again compiling your top 500 children's shows of the 80's again. Hold on, that is important. For me, Grange Hill, He-Man and Battle of the Planets would be up near the top.     

Until next time.